A New Kind of Pain
In late 2022, my migraine journey took a terrifying turn. What had been a manageable part of my life (3 times a year) spiralled into chaos physically, emotionally, and mentally. But through this dark period, I discovered something powerful: a shift in mindset could change everything. This is a story of pain, panic, and ultimately, peace.
What Migraines Really Are
Migraines are not “just a headache.” They are a debilitating neurological disorder that often come in four stages: prodrome, aura, attack, and post-drome. Not everyone experiences all four. For me, the aura stage, usually a visual disturbance, is my warning sign, and the attack stage is the most unbearable.
I’ve lived with migraines with aura since I was young. In the 1990s, there was little understanding or effective treatment. I was given syrup by my GP, which did nothing.
I still to this date, never understood.
I learned to cope, retreating into dark rooms and trying to sleep through the pain. Painkillers also didn’t help. Nowadays, they have modern medications like sumatriptan, which I feel did help, finally.
When Everything Changed
In Nov 2022, my aura symptoms changed drastically. One Tues evening, when it all changed, I felt numbness in my feet while cooking. That was new, I wasn’t sure what was happening at first but I noticed it. Then came pains in my hands, numbness in my tongue, and a deep, unsettling sense of fear. I thought I was having a stroke. I had never in my life experienced what I was experiencing. My amazing neighbour responded quickly to me and took me to A&E. I am single and live alone, so I am beyond grateful for my neighbours.
Living alone, the fear was amplified. My migraines became more frequent, from a few per year to several a week. Sometimes, I’d wake up with an aura. The symptoms became unpredictable and terrifying. I started experiencing extreme brain fog, confusion, and memory lapses. I once wandered off in a hospital, completely disoriented, and had no recollection of it.
The Lowest Points
I fell in the shower. I scraped the side of my car across the wall when attempting to park in my usual space. I locked myself out of my bank accounts – I just could not remember the passwords. I even forgot I had a debt on one particular card. Not sure why I didn’t think to write the passwords down at the moment I was resetting them.
Mindblowing.
The police were once called to check on me because my mum couldn’t reach me. I was losing touch with myself and the world around me. I was very confused and not in control at all. I had voice note conversations with friends and was clearly delirious, making up stories I believed were true. It’s scary how my brain was affected and traumatised by the frequent migraine episodes.
Anxiety and depression soon followed. I stopped socialising, fearing an attack at any moment. Even a dentist visit, I began experiencing an episode. Alone at home, I spiralled into negative thinking. Despite numerous tests, MRIs, blood work, and a lumbar puncture, nothing explained the change.
The exhaustion was relentless. I couldn’t sleep for days which led to weeks. I cried often. I was consumed by fear and sadness.
Something had to change.
Realising I Needed More Than Medication
No one could tell me why my migraines had worsened. Perhaps hormones, or even the Covid vaccine? A nurse at the hospital mentioned this to me while I was undergoing blood tests. I’ll never know for sure. But I realised something, I couldn’t control the migraines, but I could try to control how I responded to them.
Mindfulness Meditation & Mindset Shift
This was the beginning of my mindset shift. I began exploring alternative healing, and that’s I discovered mindfulness meditation.
Insight Timer became my sanctuary. It’s a free app with thousands of guided meditation tracks for sleep, stress, anxiety, focus, and more. A girl from a facebook community I follow recommended to me.
I committed to it daily.
Guided meditation, in particular, worked for me. I needed a female voice, music, and a focus to guide my wandering mind. I found tracks that matched how I felt (e.g. waking up in the night and now able to fall back to sleep), and slowly, they helped me understand something life-changing: my thoughts are just thoughts. I am not my migraines. I am not my anxiety.
Instead of ruminating on the past or fearing the future, I began grounding myself in the present. I practised gratitude, recognised negative self-talk, and stopped comparing my journey to others’.
Positive Mindset in Practice
Rebuilding didn’t happen overnight. But day by day, I celebrated small wins. Sleeping through the night. Not panicking during an aura. Writing. In 2024, I even took up learning Bachata, which is so fun! Dancing is healing and all that.
Gratitude became my anchor. For my mum. For my neighbour. For every tiny improvement. I rewrote the story I told myself. Instead of “I’m doomed,” I began to think, “I’m healing.”
Where I Am Now: Empowered and Healing
By 2025, my migraines are rare, not had one this year and it’s July as I write this. I no longer fear them either.
I still live with some fear, but it’s much softer now. My energy is going into writing, dancing, gym, creating, and discovering who I am beyond migraines. I have recently been made redundant at work so I am able to put my energy into looking for a new role.
It’s exciting. Change is good!
This chapter of my life, painful as it was, happened for a reason. I believe that!
Final Thoughts: You Are Stronger Than You Know
Healing isn’t linear. But your mindset can carry you through what medicine alone cannot. The power of the human brain is mindblowing, excuse the pun haha
If you’re struggling now, know this, you are not alone. You are not broken. You are absolutely capable of building something beautiful from your pain.
I need to close this post expressing how grateful I am for the support I had during this time from my workplace and manager at the time. They provided me with compassion and private health care. I don’t know how I’d have got through this without them.
I’m still on my journey, a single, 37-year-old woman figuring it all out. But I’m walking it now with presence, gratitude, and hope. Migraines are not at the forefront of my mind anymore but it opened my eyes to the world.
Let’s see what the future holds.